Have you ever read a book with something else playing on your mind ? And then you realize you’ve finished the whole book but don’t remember anything you read?
Last night my mind was playing hide and seek. While I was trying to hide away my thoughts, my mind kept seeking them. I tried to distract my mind, lead it to another direction but it kept coming back to the same thought. As it captured one thought, it would go look for the other.
Last night I felt like my mind was on a merry go round. Spinning so fast, that I could feel my heart beat fall and blood pressure rise. There were a zillion thoughts rushing as though on ecstasy and pumping out adrenaline.
Last night I felt like my mind was jumping on a trampoline of thoughts. I wish I could just squash and crush some out and make it lighter. It was like a spring in my head bouncing around.
Last night I felt like my mind was playing laser tag. Where people who spoke were killed thrice. I could shoot them all. It was such great feeling to able to create silence amidst the humdrum. Once you re dead you re dead and out. Wish real life could be like that, where your eyes are always on the target and there is no coming back….no looking back.
Last night my mind was doing kung fu, fighting my heart. While each thought was being kicked and punched, there was no absolute winner. Both bruised yet not ready to give up. I was stuck amidst the chaos within my myself.
Last night I tried to find a way to find a solution. I tried every possible way to tug each thought and fight it all out. But in the end I figured hiding, swinging, jumping, shooting, fighting wasn’t the solution. It was all just a way to confuse even further, while the solution lied beneath. All I had to do was be calm… close my eyes and think once. At first all the thoughts came flashing back like a recap and suddenly it was all dark, they had all vanished away. Only one remained, that thinking was not the solution.